Turkey Induced: A Dawdling Thanksgiving Recap

Thanksgiving Day started out as any good Thanksgiving Day should.

There were apple, blueberry and pumpkin pecan pies, cornbread stuffing, light and fluffy rolls, chile con queso, mashed potatoes....and turkey.

Turkey seems innocent enough.

Pre-Thanksgiving, its a fat bird that is unable to execute sharp turns, make sudden movements or look over its own shoulder (if, in fact, turkeys have shoulders).

When served up ,it's a delicious, low-fat, healthy alternative to other meat choices. It cooks up nicely, it's tender and moist...all highly desirable traits in the world of meat.

But turkey has its side effects.

We all know about this one....

But... there are other side effects so volatile no amount of shut-eye will fend them off.

Here's what happened to my family members post-turkey ingestion.

"Get that camera outta my face or I'll pull out the Crazy Eyes."

"You did WHAT?"

"Yep, you heard me. That's EXACTLY what I did, so take THAT."

"Say another word and I SWEAR you'll see wrath like you've never seen it manifested before."

"Whatever, WEIRDO."

"No more public humiliation. Please, I beg you. Not the hat again this year."

"There's something so blissful about chaos."

"Frankly, I don't care. I've got my own problems. Like unrelenting drool. Oh, you'll see what I mean when you check out your sweater. Heh heh."

"Do you see these lips. These are my "I'm ONE Fraction of a Second from Lashing Out" lips. Keep it up. I dare you."


Other side effects include seeing little, twinkling lights,

initiating in-depth conversations with inanimate objects,

moments of helplessness,

and extremes in sibling emotions.