Well, I'll Be Darned, Ya'll

It is a good rule of thumb when keeping a secret to NOT-- I repeat, NOT-- appear on national television.

All secrets are null and void when one steps in front of a television camera and walks daintily across a stage in a bikini.

Secret's out, ya'll.

I'm a pageant gal.

Emily Cox, Miss Kentucky

I realize it doesn't LOOK like me, but that's the "beauty" of pageants. Makeup artists can do truly amazing and magical things.

(As can a nice bit of pink fluff about the neck...)

I'd like to congratulate myself on keeping my pageanting a tightly-kept secret.

Even from myself.

Come to think of it, this is all quite confusing.

I feel the early stages of an identity crisis emerging because I know of yet ANOTHER Emily Cox.

But this time I am an athletic 18 year old (close enough, Em) and Christopher is my brother.

Ewww.

Confusion cleared abruptly.

Okay, Em, you can be the ORIGINAL and I'll take second on this matter.

Miss Kentucky will apparently not win this competition either.

The Office

Quote(s) of the Week

"In nature, there is something called the food chain. It is where the shark eats the little shark and the little shark eats the littler shark and so on and so on and so on until you get down to the single-cell shark. So now, replace sharks with paper companies and that is all you need to know about business."

--Michael Scarn

"Ohhh, Vietnam, I hear it's lovely."

--Michael Scarn

"No....no, no, no, no, no. She's hot, okay? Because if you are saying that Hillary Swank isn't hot, then you are saying I'm not hot, because obviously, I'm not as hot as Hillary Swank."

--Kelly

Arriba Aruba!

Far, far away in the tranquil, turquoise waters of the Caribbean...

two Mermaids strayed from home and were washed ashore... marooning themselves upon a desert island.

Their conversation went a little something like this:

Mermaid 1: "What would I give if I could live out of these waters?"

Mermaid 2: "What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?"

Mermaid 1: "Bet'cha on land they understand, that they don't reprimand their daughters. Proper women sick of swimmin', ready to stand."

On the opposite side of the island, two scurvy Pirates so greatly feared the White Ghost of Sunday Morning (gotcha--you've got some splainin' to do, White Ghost),

they walked the plank on their ship, The Techno Titanic (Holla, Heather!)....

and were forced to become landlubbers, also marooned on said desert island.

They decided to make the best of it.

Pirate 1: "Aye, matey, let's go find us some lasses."

Pirate 2: "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum."

They plundered and pillaged the small island for rum and lasses with no immediate, satisfactory results.

Pirate 2: "Well, SHIVER ME TIMBERS! That thar's not a lass, but it IS an...." (Ahem)

While standing on the beach and dreaming of their futures as professional kite surfers, the Pirates came across the lovely Mermaids.

Pirate 1 to Mermaid 1: "Argh, nice 'booty',"

Mermaid 1: "Eww, you lily-livered scallawag."

Though it was a lousy pickup line, the Mermaids and the Pirates decided to explore the island together.

Pirates 1 and 2 to Mermaids 1 and 2: "What do ye lassies wish to do?"

Mermaids 1 and 2: " We wanna be where the people are,we wanna see, wanna see them dancin'. Walking around on those - what do you call 'em? Oh - feet!Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far. Legs are required for jumping, dancing. Strolling along down a - what's that word again? Street!Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun,wanderin' free - wish we could be Part of that world."

So they found a place with a view

(Correction: a NICE place with a view...)

and the Pirates showed the Mermaids a bit of the Piratin' life...

(Shea, does this mean you're tired of sandwiches?)

including their rather improper Pirate manners.

The Mermaids gave the Pirates a sampling of the Mermaid life...

and toured Davey Jones' locker together.

The four looked for loot

made friends with the locals....

and explored the island,

using their newly acquired landlubbin' legs... and their GAR!

(Sorry, I HAD to find a place for that bit of pirate speak.)

As the sun set on their week of marooning,

the Pirates and the Mermaids reluctantly converted...

to a life of of landlubberness and went home to a desert that, sadly, was not on an island.
We miss you, Aruba!

*The author would like to thank her Best Merfriend (BMF), Ariel, for the use of her original lyrics.*

*And, P.S., Ariel, you can HAVE ERic.*