Hey Bachelor—I have an idea. Ask out a girl who’s never aspired to a TV appearance, doesn’t use the word ‘drama’ or ‘strong, independent woman’ as a sentence and has never had an encounter with plastic body parts of any kind. Scrounge together twenty bucks from the nooks and crannies of your cinderblock-wall apartment, hop in your 2001 Toyota Camry, pick a small town with nothing but a Dairy Queen and no hot tub or helicopter pad in sight. See how quickly you fall in love, then, my friend.
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Why is it that we gain perspective only after having gone through the very experience for which we needed the perspective?
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Why is it that seeing people fall never gets un-funny? And while we’re wondering, could anyone explain why boys never find potty humor un-funny, no matter how old and adult-like?
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“Decide what to be and go be it.”
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*“I BELIEVE IN THE SUN WHEN IT IS NOT SHINING. I BELIEVE IN LOVE WHEN I CANNOT FEEL IT. I BELIEVE IN GOD EVEN WHEN HE IS SILENT.”
—written on a wall during the Holocaust
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Why must people ruin a perfectly WONDERFUL cinnamon roll with cream cheese? Boo and blech…
And what of Cool Whip or whipped cream? Whose horrid idea was that?
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Thank you, oh great Thought Portal, for assisting in the sorting of my brain.
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I hope good old-fashioned pen and paper never goes out of style. There is no better way to empty one’s brain than to scribble unintelligibly.
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Is there a website or perhaps a store somewhere that I can purchase extra patience? And is that store open around 8:00 p.m. because that’s usually when I need patience most…
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This Christmas, I came to grips with my fear of carolers. Caroler fear. It can be crippling during the holidays.
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“And this imagination of power, this practical realisation of a gigantic thought, came out of one man’s brain in our good town. That very man has it within him to mount, step by step, on each wonder he achieves to higher marvels still.”
--From North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell
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Thighs, I know you’ve spent your entire existence being close, but I just wish you’d learn to spend a bit more time apart. Give each other some space, you know?
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Alright…who’s hiding my private jet? It’s not funny anymore. I have places to be.
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Never underestimate the power of hormones. Just…don’t. They are a secret society all their own.
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2 comments:
Agreed on all bu maybe the inseparable thighs. You don't REALLY want to look like Skeletor, do you?
Here Here! I raise my glass of imaginary margarita to you my dear! Love your random thoughts!
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