Surely she heard the woodsmen coming.
Surely she feared their maniacal laughs as they ran through the forest.
Surely she wished she wasn’t so perfect.
Surely the whole ‘privilege through sacrifice’ ting fell flat as she was slayed in the name of Christmas.
Pop, I’m sorry.
For the fifth consecutive year, I’M SORRY, TREE-DOM!!
TELL YOUR FAMILY TO UPROOT AND RUN!
The woodsmen will surely return next year.
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