Hootenanny

AWKWARDNESS MAGAZINE
PROM 2009 ISSUE

In this edition:

I'M TOO SEXY
Satin’s hot, lace is glam and plastic is fantastic!

Special Prom BONUS!

ICE ICE, BABY

ACCESSORIES GUIDE
The Bigger, the Better

PLUS
FOREVER YOUNG hair and makeup. Page 20


STRIKE A POSE...VOGUE, VOGUE, VOGUE
How to stand out in a crowd

plus

Posing tips from the pros

GROOVE IS IN THE HEART
20 RUMPSHAKER Moves

Also...

Dance floor savvy tips to help you GET JIGGY WIT IT

MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS
Bankroll a little thin? Our #1 tip for saving some gravy without starving your date.

I WILL REMEMBER YOU THEMES
Find the year’s hottest theme. Page 9.
May we suggest :

"In the Still of the Night, let us Fall Into the Sky on a Moonlight Journey to stay Forever Young and Put on the Ritz Somewhere Out There in an Evening Under the Stars on the Stairway to Heaven in the Galaxy of Love , Only You (and me)....but if you don't want to come, I'm going With or Without You"

WHATTA MAN, WHATTA MAN, WHAT A MIGHTY GOOD MAN
Dreamy guys that will leave you saying

"He's PRETTY FLY (FOR A WHITE GUY)."

2 LEGIT 2 QUIT

What Prom Court spot is YOURS?

(Most Uncomfortable Prom Outfit)

ASK THE PROM QUEEN

"Help! I'm afraid my friends will go into labor on the dance floor!"

The Editor would like to thank...

the contributors and Prom Committee. "Thanks for your willingness to revisit, in outright mockery, one of the most awkward eras of your life.

Also, many heartfelt thanks to those unknown individuals that donated their early 90s dresses to D.I. and the makers of plastic tablecloths and white duct tape that made the night's fashions possible."

Kelly's iPod, Nicole's flair with Subliminal Message Balloons, Christmas lights of yore and B. Jake Allen for the Prom Venue, Prom video and idea spark.

Angela B. for the well-placed awards and her Maniac on the Floor for his interpretive dances,

the Drussells for sneaking out of the house, the Rufs for protecting their Humiliation Limit,

the Dastrups for their outfit coordination, the Taylors (Heather, mostly) for blisters on her hands, the Williams for Time Schedule Navigation, Tawni for a little Click-a-Lick, the Roberts for their karaoke, the Bilbros for the Sweet Nothings whispered and Jerianne for successfully wearing a curtain.

Finally, my PRETTY FLY guy... and his chest hair."

The Office

Quotes of the Week

"Is that what soon means to you? Then come back soon."

--Pam

"This is a dream that I have had since lunch and I am not givin' up on it."

--Michael

"I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else."

--Jim

Tickets bought....

Bags (will be) packed...

....

...

...

...

...

Coming....June 2009

The Office

Quote of the Week

You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh, I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.' "

--Andy

"When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is: stopping a fight in the parking lot, an Obama fashion show...whatever that is. Or trapped in an oil painting. I'm gonna save that one."

--Pam

Strong Preference Category Addition

Most of you are aware of my "Strong Preference" for this Matt:

But there's another Matt now resting snugly in my "Strong Preferences" category.

Welcome, newest addition, Matt Giraud!

I am informing the Universe here and now that Matt Giraud is my #1 pick for American Idol Season 8.

Disagree if you must, but just know if you are an Adam Lambert fan, I will taunt and harass you the remainder of your days.

(Males who demonstrate confusion as to whether they are, in fact, male by A) hitting higher notes than a woman is capable and B) wearing more makeup and nail polish than the average woman, never reside in my Strong Preferences category. I'm very much into the masculine type. (Christopher takes great pride in this fact. :)

And, just for the record, I will never have an American Idol #1 pick who is female. Call it a quirk, an irregularity, a flaw in personality and taste, but I simply prefer male voices (masculine male voices, take note) over female.

Based solely on who I would listen to with great enthusiasm rather than pressing "Seek" on the car radio and whose music I would spend money to download, here is my #2 and #3 pick: