“Pignorance”

If you are not an animal lover, you may stop reading NOW.  Yes, NOW.

 (Heather, are you still reading?)

If you do not find animals intriguing or heart-melting or adorable or hilarious or worthy companions, you will find this post utterly useless. 

If, however, you have a beating heart, it will bring a smile to your face.

Ever heard of Best Friend’s Animal Sanctuary?  Hmmm….well, remain in darkness no longer.

http://www.bestfriends.org/

This is where I would no doubt spend a great deal of time if I didn’t have two-legged animals of my own to raise.  I fully intend to volunteer here in the future…live out my Golden Years in the presence of all things adorable. (Before settling into a sorority-style existence at The Charleston Retirement Home, of course.)

If I could, I would welcome every  one of these furry friends to my home.  Yes, including the pigs.  Just look at their pictures and tell me you couldn’t just squish them with love.

http://www.bestfriends.org/pigweek/

(It’s Pig Week)

I’m totally ready to be the Crazy Cat Lady/Pig Princess/Dog Diva/Wild Animal Whisperer.

The pigs, of course, would reside at my ranch in Texas while the dogs could romp on the vast lawns of my English manor.  The cats?  They would fill the rooms of my London flat.  The other animals would settle in nicely at my various sanctuaries around the world, which I would conveniently have to visit on a regular basis.

I’ve got it all figured out.

Except the ranch/manor/flat/world-wide sanctuaries part.

Hmmm…for now, I guess it’s just me and my three-legged Himalayan runt, Charlotte, and my squishy, fuzzy, obese, Willoughby. ;)

Dear Lake Powell,

You are hot. 

So hot, paper spontaneously combusts,

people go to great heights and take great plunges to find relief,

judgment becomes fuzzy,

unprovoked hornets sting to put themselves out of their misery,

and people hallucinate, believing they can walk on water.

Water is retained,

my mother-in-law is forced to open a drive-up beverage bar,

and Nick gets an equally ‘hot’ new ‘do, circa 1950.

Visitors suffer from dehydration,

and bouts of delirium,

causing some to ‘lose their grip’.(And others to fear them finding it…)

Apparently, it’s so hot at Lake Powell that money burns holes right through pockets. Right, Keith? 

(Those are expensive mussels you didn’t have…)

:)

Camera Safari: Day 3

Welcome back to Day 3 of the Camera Safari! Today, you’ll be treated to various creatures in their summer habitats.

For example, please notice the homes carefully fashioned for our bat, Tweet Tweet, and resident marine life.

The creature you’re about to see creates shelter for itself in order to avoid whistling, airborne bowling balls.  This species is not known for common sense…

Below, you’ll see signs of wildlife, though they’re most commonly known as “Young Men” (and their leaders).

This creature is quite unwelcome whether it be Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring.  Here on the Camera Safari, we’re okay with most snakes, but not rattlesnakes.  Especially not the youthful variety with their potential for unharnessed venom donation.

The Black-Footed Boy of Summer is also a most unwelcome creature on my freshly-cleaned carpet.

Here is a species we call Bayloaf 4 Groupies, enjoying an outside concert and festival, complete with Banana Racecars.

We’ve also got helmet heads,

heads that should be helmeted as they learn to ride a bike on the only flat spot available for ten miles,

and Swing Faces.

Summer Camera Safaris are not complete without Pizza Picnics at the Park…

Hold on as we take you to frightening places,

as well as Strawberry Days, with its wild beasts,

its Mutton Busters,

fireworks displays,

and parades.

Ahh, and here’s the Smith Rexall walking pill bottle,

a golden onion,

and a 5-year-old’s first interlocution to cheerleaders.  But don’t be afraid,

we brought along fierce protectors before venturing into the wilds of The Camera.