Tito and Our Other Cuban Drug Trade Hombres

Being married to a drug dealer has its perks.

Our good friend, Tito, of the Cuban Drug Trade fame, funded our week-long Florida vacation. After our initial jail booking...

BUSCADO POR LA POLICIA

(Translation: Pregnant lady wanted by the police--shouldn't be hard to spot or catch.)

and timely breakout by Tito's hombres, we saw the sights in and around Orlando.

It pays to have friends (i.e. big drug companies) with mucho dinero (a whole lotta filthy lucre).

"Ah, me gusta."

(Translation: "Ah, this is the life. While Christopher is working I am reading outside with my feet up.")

"Mi amigo Miguel."

(Translation: "Don't worry, I wasn't left friendless. In fact, Miguel wouldn't leave me alone...")

"Llueve! Llueve bonita!"

(Translation: "Is that what I think it is? It's raining!! Hallelujah, it's raining! We haven't seen real rain in months. We had to come to Florida to see it every day! And it makes finding your way around in a rental car even easier on these roads that all lead to Disney World!")

"El huracan!"

(Translation: "Run! I'm not sure, but I think it's a real hurricane even though we're nowhere near the coast!")

"Hala! Mucho selecion! Que Lego? Oh, donde es el bano?"

(Translation: "There are 3,129 different Legos here. I only need the silver-plated, triple-decker, polka-dotted 2009 edition double Lego. Where might one find that? And also, where is the bathroom?")

"Tengo hambre!"

(Translation: "I'm starving and nothing looks good. Wait a minute! What about those specialty Hot Roast Beef Smoothies? Now we're talkin'.")

"Luz!"
(Translation: "I'm a sucker for details and these little 'fireflies' in the tree are quite charming.!")

"Aqui esta! El extranjeros!"

(Translation: "We're having a great time on our 'business trip'! And by the way, we're from Utah!")

"Mercancias gratis!"

(Translation: "Check out allt his free stuff we got from 'trick or treating' at the drug tradeshow! If we get searched at the airport, we're going back to the slammer...")

"Ay chi wa wa! Tengo calor!!"

(Translation: Why the heck do people LIVE here? It's blasted HOT!)"Arbol! Oh, donde es el bano?"

(Translation: "I love the Spanish Moss hanging from every tree! I must take a picture. Oh, and where is the bathroom?")

"Oy!"

(Translation: Warning! Big, pregnant lady getting on that airboat... "Fuego Armundo Fidel"

(Translation: This is Tito's pet alligator, Fuego Armundo Fidel. And that's a smile, not an alligator signal for extreme hunger.")

"Me gusta el swampo!"

(Translation: "This desert girl has never seen, much less been on, a swamp before! I love all the lily pads. And I don't even mind that dragonflies smash into my face in numberless concourses. Oh, and I also don't care that we didn't see an alligator in its natural habitat.")

"No me gusta. GROSS."

(Translation: "I thought tube tops were tacky anyway, but this takes it to another level and age group. How old IS that skin, anyway, and is that 'shirt' really going to stay UP? I suppose I should have worn my bikini, like I wanted to...")

"Boo hoo hoo."

(Translation: "Sniffle, sniffle. Labor schmabor. I WANT TO RIDE THAT ROLLERCOASTER!")

"Golf profesionales."

(Translation: "Doug and Christopher worked so hard they just had to take some time for 18 holes.")

"Que? Adios!"

(Translation: "What the...? Where'd that ball go? Goodbye, last of ten balls!)

"Dejame solo por favor."
(Translation: "The best part about golf is riding around in the cart. I'm staying in the shade, with the ice chips and a good book." )

"Estoy cansado."

(Translation: "Tired? Walking around the Epcot Center in 150 degree weather and torrential rains is FUN! And I've always wanted to give birth at a Disney venue. Finally, my chance...")

Travel Tip: Go on vacation when 8 months pregnant. Especially outside Utah. No one has ever seen a pregnant lady! You will be treated like a queen, get ushered to the front of security lines at the airport, have random people stop and ask if there's anything you need and get extra special looks of concern/fear from flight attendants.

Hasta Luego!