Tito and Our Other Cuban Drug Trade Hombres

Being married to a drug dealer has its perks.

Our good friend, Tito, of the Cuban Drug Trade fame, funded our week-long Florida vacation. After our initial jail booking...

BUSCADO POR LA POLICIA

(Translation: Pregnant lady wanted by the police--shouldn't be hard to spot or catch.)

and timely breakout by Tito's hombres, we saw the sights in and around Orlando.

It pays to have friends (i.e. big drug companies) with mucho dinero (a whole lotta filthy lucre).

"Ah, me gusta."

(Translation: "Ah, this is the life. While Christopher is working I am reading outside with my feet up.")

"Mi amigo Miguel."

(Translation: "Don't worry, I wasn't left friendless. In fact, Miguel wouldn't leave me alone...")

"Llueve! Llueve bonita!"

(Translation: "Is that what I think it is? It's raining!! Hallelujah, it's raining! We haven't seen real rain in months. We had to come to Florida to see it every day! And it makes finding your way around in a rental car even easier on these roads that all lead to Disney World!")

"El huracan!"

(Translation: "Run! I'm not sure, but I think it's a real hurricane even though we're nowhere near the coast!")

"Hala! Mucho selecion! Que Lego? Oh, donde es el bano?"

(Translation: "There are 3,129 different Legos here. I only need the silver-plated, triple-decker, polka-dotted 2009 edition double Lego. Where might one find that? And also, where is the bathroom?")

"Tengo hambre!"

(Translation: "I'm starving and nothing looks good. Wait a minute! What about those specialty Hot Roast Beef Smoothies? Now we're talkin'.")

"Luz!"
(Translation: "I'm a sucker for details and these little 'fireflies' in the tree are quite charming.!")

"Aqui esta! El extranjeros!"

(Translation: "We're having a great time on our 'business trip'! And by the way, we're from Utah!")

"Mercancias gratis!"

(Translation: "Check out allt his free stuff we got from 'trick or treating' at the drug tradeshow! If we get searched at the airport, we're going back to the slammer...")

"Ay chi wa wa! Tengo calor!!"

(Translation: Why the heck do people LIVE here? It's blasted HOT!)"Arbol! Oh, donde es el bano?"

(Translation: "I love the Spanish Moss hanging from every tree! I must take a picture. Oh, and where is the bathroom?")

"Oy!"

(Translation: Warning! Big, pregnant lady getting on that airboat... "Fuego Armundo Fidel"

(Translation: This is Tito's pet alligator, Fuego Armundo Fidel. And that's a smile, not an alligator signal for extreme hunger.")

"Me gusta el swampo!"

(Translation: "This desert girl has never seen, much less been on, a swamp before! I love all the lily pads. And I don't even mind that dragonflies smash into my face in numberless concourses. Oh, and I also don't care that we didn't see an alligator in its natural habitat.")

"No me gusta. GROSS."

(Translation: "I thought tube tops were tacky anyway, but this takes it to another level and age group. How old IS that skin, anyway, and is that 'shirt' really going to stay UP? I suppose I should have worn my bikini, like I wanted to...")

"Boo hoo hoo."

(Translation: "Sniffle, sniffle. Labor schmabor. I WANT TO RIDE THAT ROLLERCOASTER!")

"Golf profesionales."

(Translation: "Doug and Christopher worked so hard they just had to take some time for 18 holes.")

"Que? Adios!"

(Translation: "What the...? Where'd that ball go? Goodbye, last of ten balls!)

"Dejame solo por favor."
(Translation: "The best part about golf is riding around in the cart. I'm staying in the shade, with the ice chips and a good book." )

"Estoy cansado."

(Translation: "Tired? Walking around the Epcot Center in 150 degree weather and torrential rains is FUN! And I've always wanted to give birth at a Disney venue. Finally, my chance...")

Travel Tip: Go on vacation when 8 months pregnant. Especially outside Utah. No one has ever seen a pregnant lady! You will be treated like a queen, get ushered to the front of security lines at the airport, have random people stop and ask if there's anything you need and get extra special looks of concern/fear from flight attendants.

Hasta Luego!

Diagnosis: Just Plain Crazy

It's time once again for
GUESS THE POST'S THEME!

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

ANY GUESSES?

Most of you know I majored in Psychology in college.
Crazy.
And that I got a Master's degree in Counseling.
Crazier.
Well, now it's official:

I'm proud to announce that, starting in October, I am going to be a very part-time therapist.

Yeah, that's right. One of those people that needs more help than they can actually give. Go ahead, say it. I've heard it before.

I found a great job that will let me do what I love: counseling very part-time and Mom full-time.

And the best part is, I get to work with teenagers in the State system--that's right, juvenile delinquents, sex offenders, drug and alcohol abusers, the works.

I AM SO EXCITED!

Are you more worried about them or me? :)

Feeling Nosy?

I could sense that everyone was dying to know these things about me, so I compiled a list and made it your lucky day. Or....maybe Shannon sent me this in email form and I chose to answer in Blog form. :)

What time did you wake up this morning? Which time? I wake up multiple times during the early morning hours! Up for good 7:00 a.m.

Diamonds or pearls? Hmmm...I like chunky and funky jewelry, so I would say neither of these fancy-schmancy things

What was the last movie you saw? Night at the Museum at our Movie on the Lawn

What is your favorite TV show? Anything on HGTV, The Office

What do you usually have for breakfast? A bagel or English muffin with peanut butter, a banana and cranberry juice--I'm very predictable

What is your middle name? Elizabeth--think Clifford the Big Red Dog book series...Emily Elizabeth

What is your favorite CD at the moment? It's been so long since I've actually put a CD in--I rely on my iPod for Alicia Keys, Kool and the Gang, The Rolling Stones, Madonna, Steve Miller Band

What kind of car do you drive? A wonderful, gas-conserving silver 2007 Toyota Camry

What is your favorite sandwich? A nice Leftover-from-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich with Miracle Whip and a juicy tomato slice on soft, soft wheat bread.

What characteristic sdo you despise? Self-absorption, arrogance, whining

Favorite item of clothing? wide-leg pants...and my slingbacks....and my retro winter jackets

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? England (June 2009)

Favorite brand of clothing? Brand schmand--anything that is reasonably priced, but more importantly a little funky

Where would you retire to? A cozy little bungalow nestled in the thickest, greenest trees, but close enough to a city that I could go to all the plays and restaurants I wanted

What was your most recent memorable birthday?A couple of years ago, Christopher surprised me with a trip to Denver...we didn't take the trip until later, but he gave it to me on my birthday

Are you a morning person or a night person? I love to stay up late and I function great in the morning--what is that considered?

What is your shoe size? 10

Pets? 2 cats, Charlotte and Willoughby and someday a dog, but not until we have a fence

What did you want to be when you were little? Oh boy...here goes...a marine biologiest, meteorologist/tornado chaser, author, architect, editor, interior designer

What is your favorite candy? Anything red and chewy(Swedish Fish, licorice, cinnamon bears), Reese's Pieces

What is your favorite flower? English Daisies (especially the red ones), Poppies

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? July 22nd--going to Florida. Also, my induction date the end of August--ciao, Big Belly

What are you listening to right now? my Blog playlist that includes just about every genre of music

What was the last thing you ate? A nectarine (man, am I glad it wasn't that big bag of candy I polished off right BEFORE the nectarine.... ;)

Do you wish on stars? Not usually, but I seem to always see falling stars, which I think are incredible

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Orange, perfectly sharpened in the box

Last person you spoke to on the phone? Nicole

Favorite restaurant? La Posta (only in New Mexico), Lucille's Smokehouse (Vegas)

Real hair color? Are you saying my hair color is fake? What do YOU think my real hair color is? Hard to tell? Well, you may never know...

What was your favorite toy as a child? Legos and Matchbox cars, used in conjunction with each other

Summer or winter? They both have their pros--summer for the long nights filled with the sound of crickets and a nice breeze; winter for the coziness factor and I like winter fashions better

Hugs or kisses? I'm not a very touchy-feely person

Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla--I don't care for chocolate of anything

What is under your bed? A box of stored clothes...and my cat.

What did you do last night? Pruned my shrubs, watered my flowers, sat on the porch with Christopher, read before bed like I do every night (Wait a minute...this sounds like an elderly woman's typical evening...)

What are you most afraid of? House fires, losing Chrisotpher or Bennett, the ocean (You never know what's in that water--and just about everything that IS int he water is bigger than me and has dangerous tendencies.)

Salt or sweet? Sweet, but thanks to the inventors of Kettle Corn for their genius combination

How many keys on your key ring? 5--one for each of my vacation homes--Ha!

How many years at your current job? Mom: 2 years, writer: 1 year

Do you make friends easily? Shyness is not something I posess, so yes, I think making friends is easy

Americanistic

Winners of the True Red, White and Blue American Family Contest

There is currently a recountingg of the votes. Many contestants and judges alike feel that, after looking at these faces, they'd rather be European...or Spanish...or Antarctican.

But really, how can you argue with the outcome of the contest? Americans are excited (as shown in Photo 1). Americans are tough, resilient, unshakeable (as shown in Photo 2). Americans watch fireworks (Photo 3) and nurture ENTHUSIASM in their children (demonstrated in Photo4).

Americans have neighborhood 4th of July barbecues (no photo available) and play Rock Band in LARGER THAN LIFE format on their garage door (also no photo available). True Red, White and Blue Americans drive Black Beauty (the family pickup truck) up into the mountains behind their house and watch ALL the valley fireworks at once. Now THAT, my friends, is Americanism.

Scale Strike

(Those are water drops on our clothes, in case anyone is wondering. We like to take family pictures with sprinklers in the background...and looking our most fit.)

One Fish, Two Fish REDFISH, Blue Fish: A Vacation Chronicled in Rhyme

For the past seven years, my grandparents have arranged for the family to go to Redfish Lake in Idaho.

And for the past seven years, we have LOVED it! We got back last week and it is high time I update my blog.

(Camping? I think not. Radiant heating in the floors, stone showers...no stinky tent in sight.)

Aaron, Spencer and Alli were unable to come this year for reasons of:

A) Organic Chemistry final and B) 38th week of pregnancy

(I trust you can match the appropriate reason to the appropriate person...)

Their absence was felt, but never fear...we included them photographically.

(Please note asterisks and read fine print following entry, so as to curb any possible confusion.)

I now attempt to chronicle our most recent trip in Dr. Seussian rhyme.

***

One Fish, Two Fish REDFISH, Blue Fish, Big Fish

Little Fish

Happy Fish

Ewww...Fish

That one has a very big belly...

Spencer **likes to shake his jelly.. .
(or "Here are some who like to run, .They run for fun in the hot, hot sun.

Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! What a lot of funny things go by!"
(Thank you, Dr. Seuss. Couldn't have said it better myself.)

Alli's** sunning by the shore...Some are posing with an oar...

Two are playing on the dock...

Three are taking a little walk...

Some will come...

Some will go... Here are three that like to row,
wrong way up the creek they'll go...

Here is one that likes to paddle,

a ride he'll take in the cold, cold lake.

These two sit side by side...

One is ready for another ride...

From there to here, from here to there, funny Aaron** is everywhere .

(again, thanks Dr. Seuss).

Here are the grandparents that are simply great...

These loved their vacation, all eight.

**Many thanks to our anonymous STAND-INSand to our mad Paparazzi skills.

Also, congrats to Marmoo for conquering her fear and for that nice bruise on Dad's neck...