Womb Talk

"We're live at the womb of Miles Cox. It's 9:00 on Wednesday, the 27th of August, and the soon-to-be fourth member of the Cox family has granted us an exclusive interview on this very busy day. "

"So, Miles, what do you think about your upcoming debut?"

"It's a week early, but this lady is really cramping my style, so I'm making my move NOW... Where else do I have to go but OUT? At 3:45 I'm busting outta this joint."

"We'll take a short 8-hour commercial break and rejoin Miles as he becomes the latest birth at American Fork Hospital. "

"Miles, you weighed in at a wee 8 pounds 4 ounces and measured only 19 inches long. What do you think about the events of the day so far?"

"Well, at least your mom seems excited that you're finally here..."

"Personally, I find her a little too perky. I have a pretty significant headache right now."

"We understand you have a brother who will be three soon. What are your thoughts on coming to a house as the second oldest?"

"So THAT'S the kid that was always making the noise? I don't know. I guess he looks pretty happy to have me around. He'll do.""There are, no doubt, going to be a plethora of new experiences in store for you. What do you think about the options out there?"

"So far, the food's not great...

but my Dad makes up for it. He's a pretty cool guy."

"What do you plan to do with your time, now that you're here? And do you eplan on opening your eyes at all in the next 48 hours?"

"Miles?"
"MILES?"

Never Underestimate a Uterus

It is a common misunderstanding that a pregnant woman is incapable of doing much besides putting her feet up, suffering from mind-altering cravings and throwing mood swings around like mobody's business.
I'm here to tell you that an occupied uterus is never to be underestimated. They are stubborn and unyielding.

Pre-uterus occupancy, I lived at this speed:

In my "delicate" condition, I should probably live at this speed: But my big belly and company have actually been averaging this speed:
In Week 38, I strategically launched an ambush in hopes of putting up a Vacancy sign.

I attended a Barnes and Noble Breaking Dawn Midnight Madness and Masses. (I could have easily gotten the book the next day, but thanks, Nicole, for inviting me to do something I haven't done since college...)

(Also thank you to Nicole for attempting to rescue me from the guy who talked like a helium addict and was, no doubt, more in love with Edward than Bella, if you know what I mean...)

(2 disappointing stars, IMO)

The next day, I enjoyed a Sugarloaf Ladies' Night Out by attending Big: The Musical and fondly reminiscing about our own perms gone awry...

Followed by lively, candid discussions with 7 unoccupied uteruses (uteri?) over Red Rock fare.

The next day, we made a fast and furious 2-day trip to Idaho...

And then found ourselves at Camp Williams for 2 days of Youth Conference...still occupied.

(These visuals were almost frightening enough to start the vacating process...)

The day after Youth Conference ended, we took off for our final destination of the summer: The Annual Cox Family Gathering.







(Talk about your overactive uteruses...)

It is now Week 39.

I still have a No Vacancy status.

We even attended a Brian Regan show at Thanksgiving Point. I thought maybe constant, hard laughter would invite labor.

>Alas, no invitation extended.

Since that didn't work, Icleaned out a storage room, moved furniture, finsihed painting a bedroom and bathroom, cleaned my garage, pulled weeds, bought all the baby necessities, rearranged Bennett's room and moved various items down 3 flights of stairs.

Still pregnant.

Like I said, never underestiomate a uterus

This week I am simply going to stare lovingly at my normal jeans until this uterus goes insane and gives in.

If that attempt fails, I will go on a 20-mile jog up the canyon and continue my countdown, defeated, sweaty and too big for my own good.

10 days....

Tito and Our Other Cuban Drug Trade Hombres

Being married to a drug dealer has its perks.

Our good friend, Tito, of the Cuban Drug Trade fame, funded our week-long Florida vacation. After our initial jail booking...

BUSCADO POR LA POLICIA

(Translation: Pregnant lady wanted by the police--shouldn't be hard to spot or catch.)

and timely breakout by Tito's hombres, we saw the sights in and around Orlando.

It pays to have friends (i.e. big drug companies) with mucho dinero (a whole lotta filthy lucre).

"Ah, me gusta."

(Translation: "Ah, this is the life. While Christopher is working I am reading outside with my feet up.")

"Mi amigo Miguel."

(Translation: "Don't worry, I wasn't left friendless. In fact, Miguel wouldn't leave me alone...")

"Llueve! Llueve bonita!"

(Translation: "Is that what I think it is? It's raining!! Hallelujah, it's raining! We haven't seen real rain in months. We had to come to Florida to see it every day! And it makes finding your way around in a rental car even easier on these roads that all lead to Disney World!")

"El huracan!"

(Translation: "Run! I'm not sure, but I think it's a real hurricane even though we're nowhere near the coast!")

"Hala! Mucho selecion! Que Lego? Oh, donde es el bano?"

(Translation: "There are 3,129 different Legos here. I only need the silver-plated, triple-decker, polka-dotted 2009 edition double Lego. Where might one find that? And also, where is the bathroom?")

"Tengo hambre!"

(Translation: "I'm starving and nothing looks good. Wait a minute! What about those specialty Hot Roast Beef Smoothies? Now we're talkin'.")

"Luz!"
(Translation: "I'm a sucker for details and these little 'fireflies' in the tree are quite charming.!")

"Aqui esta! El extranjeros!"

(Translation: "We're having a great time on our 'business trip'! And by the way, we're from Utah!")

"Mercancias gratis!"

(Translation: "Check out allt his free stuff we got from 'trick or treating' at the drug tradeshow! If we get searched at the airport, we're going back to the slammer...")

"Ay chi wa wa! Tengo calor!!"

(Translation: Why the heck do people LIVE here? It's blasted HOT!)"Arbol! Oh, donde es el bano?"

(Translation: "I love the Spanish Moss hanging from every tree! I must take a picture. Oh, and where is the bathroom?")

"Oy!"

(Translation: Warning! Big, pregnant lady getting on that airboat... "Fuego Armundo Fidel"

(Translation: This is Tito's pet alligator, Fuego Armundo Fidel. And that's a smile, not an alligator signal for extreme hunger.")

"Me gusta el swampo!"

(Translation: "This desert girl has never seen, much less been on, a swamp before! I love all the lily pads. And I don't even mind that dragonflies smash into my face in numberless concourses. Oh, and I also don't care that we didn't see an alligator in its natural habitat.")

"No me gusta. GROSS."

(Translation: "I thought tube tops were tacky anyway, but this takes it to another level and age group. How old IS that skin, anyway, and is that 'shirt' really going to stay UP? I suppose I should have worn my bikini, like I wanted to...")

"Boo hoo hoo."

(Translation: "Sniffle, sniffle. Labor schmabor. I WANT TO RIDE THAT ROLLERCOASTER!")

"Golf profesionales."

(Translation: "Doug and Christopher worked so hard they just had to take some time for 18 holes.")

"Que? Adios!"

(Translation: "What the...? Where'd that ball go? Goodbye, last of ten balls!)

"Dejame solo por favor."
(Translation: "The best part about golf is riding around in the cart. I'm staying in the shade, with the ice chips and a good book." )

"Estoy cansado."

(Translation: "Tired? Walking around the Epcot Center in 150 degree weather and torrential rains is FUN! And I've always wanted to give birth at a Disney venue. Finally, my chance...")

Travel Tip: Go on vacation when 8 months pregnant. Especially outside Utah. No one has ever seen a pregnant lady! You will be treated like a queen, get ushered to the front of security lines at the airport, have random people stop and ask if there's anything you need and get extra special looks of concern/fear from flight attendants.

Hasta Luego!