Autumnal Aliens

I know every female that reads this blog has wondered the following: In the animal kingdom, why are all the females...how should I say this...LESS than adequately attractive?

Take for example the female peacock.

Plain, ordinary, drab. Barely noticeable if she is sitting on a dirt pile.

The female turkey--the complete antithesis to her male counterpart. No striped, showy feathers or red dangly things from her chin. (Come o think of it, maybe she's grateful for that missing accessory.)

She's just plain, dirty-white with a humongous beak and spindly legs.

Let's not forget the lioness. She's not exactly ugly, but she got gypped in the hair department. (And she's mildly distressed by it, as you can plainly see in the picture.)Her boyfriend/husband/male friend got all the good hair volume. While human females would find it horrifying to sport a beard, I would assume the lioness feels a little left out with hair that is like unto a crew cut. At least the humans got that much right and gave the men (and the few women who prefer the look) crew cut duty.

(And while I'm on a bitter rant, I may as well point out the phenomenon of men's' eyelashes. As in, they have them and women don't. )

So it is that I have decided that Fall is a woman.
If we can't be the most beautiful partner of an animal couple and have eyelashes that make mascara jealous, then we can claim the most beautiful season as our own.
There.
Done.
Take that, men of the human and animal varieties!


Fall is a woman.

Consider the following reasons for her femaleness:

1. Fall changes up her look to add variety to the seasonal wardrobe.

2. Fall is all about color coordination.
3. Fall smells nice.

4. Fall insists on decorating everything. Everything Fall touches looks better.

5. And lastly, Fall is graceful and refreshing. Aaaahhhh....

So my good friend Fall came to visit recently and we made sure our house was appropriately garnished.

We picked her favorite fruit in abundance. Consequently, we offer Her Highness dried apples, applesauce, apple pie filling, etc., etc. We figured she was probably watching her figure.


We also dressed up for her visit.

We liked her so much we asked her to stick around for awhile and then come back next year.

She said she would.

And I know she will, because she's a woman and she's already planning what she'll wear on her next visit.

NaNoWriMo: OhManWhatAmIDoing?

'Tis November!

Typically, such a statement evokes images of pumpkin pie and turkey, reflections of gratitude, deep Fall, holiday preparation, etc., etc.

And, of course, not wanting to be atypical, those things come to my own mind.

As well as Christopher's birthday, Young Women's Night of Excellence, the planning of Christmas parties and....

National Novel Writing Month,

or NaNoWriMo, as it is fondly and efficiently referred.

50,000 words of my novel have to be added in black and white by the fateful date of November 30th.

50,000 words=60 pages typed, single spaced.

60 pages is 1/8 a ream of paper, or the equivalent of....well, just a lot of paper and words.

Now I just hope both of my boys decide they need simultaneous two-hour naps during the entire month of November. Otherwise, it will be me and my computer, burning the midnight oil.

What do I get when those 50,000 lovely little words are placed lovingly on paper?

1. 50,000 words closer to the ending of my novel

2. 50,000 words to edit

3. A nice pat on the back from...myself. :)

Write on!

Gaga for Goo Goo (Or, Goo Goo Gaga)

PLEASE USE THE FOLLOWING LEGEND TO TRANSLATE THIS POST:

TRUE GOO=A HARDCORE GOO GOO DOLLS FAN
GOOEY=A SEMI-GOO GOO DOLLS FAN

STICKY SUBSTANCE=A GROUP OF SIX THAT RECEIVED FREE TICKETS TO THE GOO GOO DOLLS CONCERT (thanks Jeff and Katie) BUT WERE UNSURE OF THEIR OFFICIAL GOOEYNESS READINGS--SO THEY WENT AND DISCOVERED THEIR GOO GOO DOLLS FAN STATUS LEVEL....(continue reading to find out their levels!)

STICKY COUPLE #1

GOOEYNESS LEVEL: 50%

Notes: Female member of couple knew one album's worth of songs from her college days, including scattered bits of lyrics still floating around in her memory.

STICKY COUPLE #2

GOOEYNESS LEVEL: Inaccurate reading
Notes: Male member of couple seemingly half asleep-unable to get accurate reading

STICKY COUPLE #3

GOOEYNESS LEVEL: 100%

Notes: This couple is gooey all over--but for "other" reasons...

Notes: The Goo?

Notes: The Dolls?

Notes: Gooeyness Levels appear to be rising...
Notes: Mr. John Dolls? Mr. John Goo Goo? Still trying to figure out where they came up with that name...
Level Status Check: Officially Gooey!

Notes: Male member of Sticky Couple #2 (Rick) has obviously reached TRUE GOO status and is getting in touch with his 90s self by providing Rabbit Ears to female member of Sticky Couple #1 (Emily).

LEVEL STATUS CHECK: TRUE GOO!

The Office

Quote of the Week

"Yeah, well, they stole my surge protectors. Oscar, that now means I am prone to surges."

--Kevin

twenty-nine

twenty NINE

TWENTY- nine

000002900000

20-9

Nine and Twenty

Behold, the magical age to which I recently ascended.

“29”

Go ahead. Ponder upon its meaning, its greatness. Wonder out loud why 29 is spoken of with such reverence.

And then answer the following question:

What IS it that makes 29 so darn magical?

It’s a number first and foremost...obviously.

It could also be a distance, a measurement of time, a temperature, the number of steps to your mailbox, a clothing size, the number of times I listened to "Mom" in one hour today, the number of mismatched socks in a drawer, the date one first discovered his/her love affair with stamp collecting....it could be ANYTHING, really.

Well, no matter WHAT it stands for, there is something quite special about it because people lie all the time, calming they’re 29 when it’s painfully obvious they fondly kissed their twenties goodbye a decade or so ago.

I, for one, am grateful for my twenties but will be equally grateful for my looming thirties.

I have my reasons.

And what are those reasons?

Well...................

I was what you might call a late bloomer.

Don’t believe me? Go ahead and look closely at this picture.

Yes, that is really me at age 15.
(I'll wait while you stop laughing and wipe the tears from your eyes..................)

The crazy thing is, I looked like this and

PEOPLE STILL TALKED TO ME! (Small Gasp!)

I STILL HAD FRIENDS! (Little bit larger Gasp!)

I WAS NOT BANISHED TO A REMOTE TOWER! (Slight fainting sensation...)

I WAS NOT VIOLENTLY CAST INTO A MOLDY DUNGEON SOMEWHERE TO AWAIT A MIRACULOUS TRANSFORMATION!
(Largest of the Gasps! and the distinct feeling of hyperventilation...)

Ahem....back to the quest for 29's magic powers...

After studying this picture for a fraction of a nanosecond,

I know the power that 29 holds. I know the #1 reason it's so magical.

For me, the magic lies in knowing I have distanced myself fourteen years from my fifteen year old "state of being" and all that included. But mostly the way I looked in that awful picture.

And when I turn 30, it will be FIFTEEN years' distance. Talk about your magic.

In the meantime, I will watch with aging eyes the marvelous varieties of good things that happen to all in their 29th year.

Welcome, welcome, 29!

The Office

Quote of the Week

"She smells like old tomatoes...and dirt."

--Michael Scott

A Wee Bit Wheezy for Weezer

Those that have played Rock Band with Christopher know that he plays the drums FIERCELY. You have probably found yourself wondering on more than one occasion if he is/was a professional drummer in some hot rock band that toured the world.

I don't blame you. He's pretty good.

So, I took it upon myself to let you in on his deep, dark secret:

his super rock star drummin' life.

If you don't believe me, check out this early album cover:

A new question arises: how did he meet little ol' non-rock star me? Well, that's actually pretty easy to answer:

I, too, participated in the Uber Rocker lifestyle, as you can plainly see. (You didn't know Weezer had a female member? Hmm. Where have you BEEN?)

So knowing that tidbit answers the OTHER burning question you often have about where we are when you can't find us on the weekends. .

We're touring.

And last week we had a gig in Salt Lake. It was nice to be on our home turf.

Christopher at the drums.

And, by the way, If you want to destroy his sweater, hold the thread as he walks away.

(Weezer fans, sing along...)

Me, rockin' the crowd with my stage presence and ferocious guitar talent.

(But, for the record, My Name is Jonas on tour.)

Clearly, we were exhausted after our stellar concert, so we decided to retreat to our private Island in the Sun (Hip, hip)

Alright, alright. Just kidding. Gotcha. I had you fooled fo, right? (Not even for a SECOND? Really?)

We didn't actually PERFORM in the concert, we were merely audience members and fans.

The Weezer/Angels and Airwaves concert last Tuesday was actually a Happy Birthday (very early) to Christopher.

I know Christopher is a true fan of Weezer because A) He actually knows their lyrics and sings them CORRECTLY, which cannot be said for every other song he sings along with, (the world is a van now, babe?)and B) he attended a No Doubt concert in high school just to hear Weezer open for them--that's devotion. (Small, insignificant Side note: I hate No Doubt)

We had a rockin' good time, sang at the top of our lungs since no one in close proximity could hear us (let alone ourselves) and went home feeling complete with ringing ears and songs in our head.

A Big

Congratulations

to

Miles

for

SIX WHOLE WEEKS

of patient survival!

(YOU try living with his family!

The Office

Quote of the Week:

"You are...a Thief of Joy."

--Michael Scott

Loveys--Fall Edition

More of the things I love...

in a somewhat seasonal collection:

My new Fall sweaters

The view from my front window


Cloudy Fall days



Art that is--or will be--hanging in myhouse

A hearty bowl of soup

Pumpkins in this form...

or this form!

Pecans by the handful

My sassy new boots

Vases made from books

Mums in abundance